I Always Needed You
by Duck Life
Summary: You made me forget the difference between terrified and depressed. Now I'm afraid to cry. Maggie's POV, Post-Griffin Gang, Alternate Ending. Character Death. Jaggie. Oneshot. Please R&R!


Jasper, what's going on? One second you were insulting my diet and the next you were on the ground. I'm scared. What happened?

Everyone's sick. You look so weak. Henry's going to save everyone. He's going to save you.

Jasper, he isn't back yet. They all say you're going to die. You won't. You can't.

Jasper?

Wake up. Please wake up.

Jasper, what are you doing down there? You'll suffocate if they close you in. What are they doing? No, you can't breathe! Why are they putting you down there? Get up. Get up and get out before you're trapped.

You never woke up.

Jasper, I'm so alone. Henry's alone too, so it makes no difference if I try to talk to him. We're both alone. I think I need you. I think I need you more than ever.

Your dad retired. I envy him. I wish I could leave this place. You're everywhere.

I tried to not stop at your locker today and wait for you. It's been a week. I still can't shake the habit.

I haven't taken your number out of my contacts on my cell phone. Sometimes I call it just to hear your voice in the outgoing message, like the girl in P.S. I Love You. Remember how we laughed at how weak and sappy she was?

They're talking about closing Smithson. Maybe it's for the best, but why does it matter? It won't change anything. If it could, I would have burned it down on that first night.

I smiled today. I found that picture you took of me and Henry with our awful teeth. Then I remembered that was the day before… My smile turned to tears.

Sometimes I can't breathe. Sometimes I feel like all that's still alive in me is with you.

I found our rocket. I'm going to crash it into the moon.

It didn't work. It couldn't get off the ground. Our rocket won't fly with you, our rocket won't fly without you.

I wish I could fly our rocket to you.

_Maggie, will you go out with me?_ So frank, so sudden. I said the first thing that came to my mind. I wish it had been the truth.

You must be forgotten by now. People talk, people laugh. They have no idea. I'll carry you with me forever.

My mother took me to a therapist. I lied to him. I didn't used to be so good at it.

Thanks for that, Jasper.

Did you leave me, or did I leave you? I never chose to go away.

You left me.

That hurts more than anything else.

Maggie, said Henry. Maggie, it's been a couple of months. We have to start moving on.

He's already gone, and I'll never leave.

They disconnected your phone number. What do I have left of you now?

Henry tried to tell me a joke today. He messed up the punch line, but it didn't matter. I never would have laughed. I don't think he remembers you.

I'm the only one who ever understood.

You made me forget the difference between terrified and depressed. Now I'm afraid to cry.

Jasper, what did your eyes look like? I can't even remember anymore. Brown, I know. But I don't see anything else when I think back. My memory lost the emotion in them.

You're slipping away.

You're there whenever I turn a corner, but it isn't really you anymore. You've faded. Now I'm really alone. What's happening to you? Come back.

Jasper, please come back. I'm starting to lose you.

_Maggie, will you go out with me? _No.

They gave your locker to somebody else. I still haven't stopped pausing there before going to lunch. You aren't even there anymore.

Nothing bad happens anymore. Maybe it's because you're gone. Maybe it's because nothing could be worse.

I don't need you to save me. I'm not in danger.

I wish I was.

_Maggie, will you go out with me? _I wish I could.

It's been a year now. I still love you.

You never had a chance to break my heart before we both shattered. That can't be fair. I broke yours.

I just realized that I haven't left the house in days.

I can't remember the sound of your voice. I can't remember how tall you were. I'm just hanging on to bits and pieces now. I can see clearly enough a glimpse of your face, peering over your shoulder at me, recall the precise movement of your long fingers as you brushed your hair out of your eyes.

It's so unfair! Why did this happen? Why did you do this to me?

Jasper, how could you leave?

* * *

I haven't thought about you in years. It was easier that way.

I'm marrying Henry next week. Jasper, I don't love him. Maybe, if I did, I would be thinking about him right now instead of you. But I don't want to walk down that aisle without you standing at the altar.

The wedding is tomorrow. I don't want to marry him. I can't. But how could I ever tell him? And if I did tell him? What then? What else is left for me?

I can't go through with this. I won't go through with it.

I'm coming, Jasper.


End file.
